My love for you is unmatched, sailing across the enchanted sea. The deep blue waves remind me of your siren eyes. The way they’d glistened as you gazed at me. The love held within them shined deep. As if you could read my every thought. We were undeniably and inevitably in love. All it took was that look from you to make every fiber of my being come alive. That is, until that fated day when the skies turned grey. A storm began to brew around us… within us. The roaring winds whirled, I lost track of you… I searched frantically to no avail. My mind tempted me with the worst outcome while my heart hoped for the best. Everything inside of me ached at the thought of something happening to you, and for a moment my worst nightmare came true when they told me you had died in the storm. Until… finally I learned of your capture. Beyond that. I learned of your past. The death of your parents and your quest to join the Spree. The only thing I didn’t understand was, why me?
I know you lied to me in the beginning, but then again, you were battling your own demons. You were trying to stay afloat in a world that wanted to see you fall into the dark depths that grief often paints for us. The anguish grief forces upon our hearts can be ruthless. You and I know this first hand.
You’ve spoken of my strength, but never had I realized the power I possessed. I remember the moment I felt the shift within my veins. Remembering how my body trembled as I fell to my knees before you. You sat chained to a chair. My vision blurred from my worried tears; I could no longer see your face. I tried to concentrate to remember the love within your eyes and your beautiful face that broke down my walls and allowed me to be free. The memory of our happiness only left me more frustrated that I couldn’t help you. I begged for your release. I clung to you in desperation, my arms around your waist. I didn’t want anything to separate us, but their strength overpowered me. Your bloodcurdling screams only put fuel to my fire. I hear you calling out my name. The pain behind your screams speaks directly to my shattered heart. Every fiber within me yearns to be with you. To help you out of the shackles that chain you down. My screams match yours in my attempt to drown out your cries. Our voices echo off of the cold stone walls as they pull me farther away, closing the door between us.
The memory played fresh in my mind as I stood my ground in front of you a second time. I played the part they wanted me to play. Denying you the comfort you desperately searched for in my embrace.
I wanted to hold you in my arms. Even knowing the things you’d done. Having you near has always been what my soul longed for, and I know yours is the same. Instead, I choked down my every emotion, stifled the fire I have within my heart for you. In hopes it would disconnect us, but it didn’t. I cried endless rivers of tears until I thought I couldn’t produce another. Only to find a reminder of you around the next bend.
Right now, as I sit here, I feel you with me, even though you are far away. The truth is, when I found you, I felt at home again. You made my heartache hurt a little less with each passing moment I spent with you.
Yes, my heart has endured many things. The deepest scar I have on my heart is also the one that showed me just how powerful we are. You healed my heart, Scyl. You helped me out of the pit of despair and saved me from the point of no return. You saved me from myself. Because as you once said, “Your plan is hot garbage.”
My only way out has been and always will be with you, beautiful.
I tried my hand at video editing. I’m still learning and hope to eventually get good enough at it to make my own short videos and book trailers for my books. Since Motherland Fort Salem is close to my heart I decided to do a video edit on my favorite character Raelle Collar.
I hope you enjoy it!
I’m currently working on two other video edits from the show.
I asked a FB group I am in to post pictures of their favorite Raelle and Scylla moments. Each picture here is from that group and I welcome you to read about the way I perceive them. Again, this is an area where if you have issues with same sex couples this probably isn’t for you. Please don’t flood my inbox with negativity. Thank you!
To Taylor Hickson and Amalia Holm
I know you don’t know me from a stone on the ground but you have an amazing gift for acting. You put everything into it and it shows. You care about the characters you portray. I don’t know if you realize how many fans you have or how much you have helped every one of them in some way.
Your roles in this show are important for many reasons. You show love, is love no matter the sex. You show the different emotions and dynamics that life so valiantly gives to us all. Grief, pain, love, power, happiness. Life is hard and sometimes we, as humans need encouragement along the way.
So thank you. Thank you for being you and for taking on the roles of such powerful and influential women. I know you are not the characters you portray on tv but you have kind hearts and that’s what this world needs now. Kind hearts and open minds.
I have been searching for something to take away the pain from the grief I’ve been fighting tooth and nail to overcome. I could never vanquish it, it remained to dominate my life. Some see me as rebellious but truth be known I’m a lost soul, trying to find my way in this world. But then, I met you. And, you were you. I feel for you. You helped me see there is a way to make it through. You showed me compassion and I hungered for every moment I could spend with you. When I’m with you I no longer feel the weight of my grief but the joy in your smile and the want in your touch.
From the day we met, I knew you were mine. Everything about you drew me in, your smile, your eyes, your touch. I don’t think you understand how beautiful you are, not just on the outside, but your soul reverberates within you. You have an edgy almost dangerous persona about you. The sort of thing I know is bad for me but good at the same time. Part of me warns against allowing myself to get close to you while the other demands I do only that. I don’t want to stay away and I refuse to reason with the part of me that is warning me. I haven’t felt this free in too long and I won’t give it up on a whim. You are mine and I am yours.
I’m scared to tell you about myself. I don’t want you to leave me because of the things I have done in the past. I’ve made mistakes and hurt many, but I hope you know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. You’ve become my life and have refreshed my soul. We were both wondering, and I thought I had found where I belong. That is until you came along. You question me on my past and I divulge very little. Only enough to satisfy a portion of your questions. I’ve been burned before by the ones I love, and it scares me to let you in, completely. I don’t know if I can take it if you abandon me too.
You promise me that, no matter what I have done, that you are with me. That you love me now and always, but I fear that is just because you don’t know my past. I try not to dwell on the what if’s but my mind refuses to let me forget.
I don’t know how this happened. We weren’t supposed to fall for each other. You were a job that I accepted with very little detail involved. They want me to deliver you to them, but I can’t do it. You’ve made me realize I’m better than that. I’m better than the people who command me. You’ve given me so much and I have given you so little. You believe a lie and I can’t force myself to explain the truth to you. I’m afraid you will hate me and let me tell you, fear can be consuming. I try to pretend that I’m not afraid. To convince myself to not be ashamed of the things I have done, but I am. I am because I know I didn’t do them for the right reasons. You deserve better than me, but I’m not willing to give you up. Time is running out in this lie you believe. I know all of it is about to catch up with me.
I try to focus on us. On the here and now. Swaying back and forth to the soft music calms my emotions and my racing mind. Your hand in mine comforts me while I try to take in our last moments together. Our love is strong, and I can only hope it will withstand what is about to come.
My worst nightmare has come true. I’m about to lose you and I feel it down to my core. I’ve tried so hard to keep you in the dark. I know it was wrong of me to do but I wasn’t sure what else to do. The thing I feared most looms in the cool damp air of this room. I wait anxiously for you to wake. I need to explain to you what is going on in my words and not in theirs. I know they won’t sugar coat it for you and I’m afraid you won’t understand. Life isn’t just about being good or being bad. The gray area in-between is where I find myself now.
Your eyes open and are startled at the sight of me chained to this chair. I long to embrace you but the restraints deny me this pleasure. You hurry to me as the tears stream from your eyes. My heart sinks deeper into my chest as I scramble for the words to tell you. I know our time together is short. My captures will come to separate us. They are trying to weaken me by using you. I know that, but I can’t say I’m not happy to see you.
.
The door to my stone cell creaks open and I franticly cling to you. Trying to take in a last kiss and keep you in my grasp. It doesn’t work. They rip you from me and I’m left screaming out for you. I know from this moment on we will be different. You will learn the truth about me and all that I have done. I don’t want to lose what we have, and I need you to believe I’m not as crazy as they are going to have you think. Please believe me. Please remember us.
I’m granted a final wish before they dispose of me. I needed to see you again. I need to be with you one last time before I’m sent away for good. When you walk through the door all of my hope is shattered. You no longer look at me the same way. Your eyes, those beautiful heart-stopping eyes, burrow into me with disgust. My stomach turns at the thought of you hating me. I know you know what I’ve been keeping from you. You know about the terrible things I have done. I don’t deny them, but I want to explain my side of the story. Nothing is as cut and dry as it appears. I’m not all bad.
The anger and pain radiate from you. I know I’ve let you down. I tell you I still love you but you suppress my words with your own. They have turned you against me and I know I may never get the chance to show you why I am this way. I know you think I played you but that didn’t happen at all. I fell for you. I chose you over them. I chose you over myself. I chose you! It may be the only decent thing I have done in a long time. I couldn’t turn you over to someone that couldn’t guarantee me that you’d be safe. I know who I work for, and I know their intentions are not always good.
You ask me if I have misled you through all of this. Was our love even real? The questions stabs me in the heart. It was real! We are real! I need you to believe it because it is the truth. I love you! I wait for you to tell me you love me but the words don’t dare escape your perfect lips. I yearn to hear them uttered but they are not.
You think you were picked because you are weak, but you are much more powerful than you know. You haven’t even begun to harness the power inside of you. It is why they picked you. It is why they chose me to apprehend you. They want only the most powerful. What they didn’t suspect is that two lost souls would find their way together as we did. We found comfort in each other. I finally felt like I was where I need to be, in your arms. But now, that has been taken from me.
You’ve dismissed my love for you as if it was all a lie. I can’t help but notice that you said, you had loved me. I know you are confused right now and are angry with me, but I hope you still love me.
ATTENTION: If you have issues with same sex relationships this isn’t for you. I see nothing wrong with who someone loves. I have both family and friends alike who have same sex partners. It isn’t for me to judge anyway. Don’t flood my inbox with negativity and rudeness.
Picture from Motherland: Fort Salem TV Show.
At first you were only a job. An assignment I needed to complete. “Befriend her, gain her trust, and bring her to us.” I accepted the challenge without much of a second thought. I knew you were broken and vulnerable. I knew what you had lost. All I would have to do is find a way to break through your tough exterior.
What I didn’t realize is how quickly things would change. I, myself, have a shield protecting my heart. I’ve watched those closest to me be killed right in front of me. You asked me where I came from and about my past. I wanted to tell you then and there but I knew I couldn’t. You pressed me for answers and so I gave you the short of the story, being careful not to divulge too much.
I know I should have told you the entire story. How I feel victim to an organization who convinced me I would be a good fit for their work. For it is easy to prey on the lost and weak. You have to understand, I didn’t fully know what I was getting myself into. I didn’t want to be this villain that I’ve become but I have to accept my choice. I hope you will be able to see my side of the story. I know this is not an excuse for the horrible and unthinkable things I have done.
I only wish I could’ve met you before I became Spree.
I need you to believe that I would never do anything to hurt you. That has always been true. No matter what happens. I love you, Raelle.
Salva gives you more than just the power to fly. It gives you a unique kind of freedom. The moment it is applied a frenzy comes over you. My heartbeat quickens and adrenaline courses through my veins. I’m no longer chained to the earth. I’m able to roam the skies above.
I knew the only place my soul would find peace was at the lighthouse she had spoken of many times before. I had to see it for myself. I had to know if she was there waiting for me. She has to be there. I refuse to accept any other possibility because they will have me believe she is gone.
I press the Salva to my skin. It adheres to my neck in seconds. Adrenaline increases my jitteriness and hope. I close my eyes and breathe in deep to try and calm my frantic heart. The gravity that once bound me to the ground releases slowly and I begin my departure into the air, raising up until I’m gliding above the trees. It is peaceful but I find myself still yearning to see the lighthouse. Her lighthouse.
My soul longs for one more chance to be with her. A chance to hold her in my arms. A chance to have her lips against mine. A chance to see her smile once more. A chance to be us again. A chance to tell her how much I love her.